Friendly Feticide

Years ago, a dear friend of mine used to walk me to my car. He did this for any female’s safety. He was the only person that after working 2 jobs would stay up’til I got off my shift at the local family restaurant (like 1-2am) to meet with me and share notes about the quizzes/projects that we had due. I would miss the meetings because of a double shift or 2nd job that I was assigned. He made sure that I didn’t fail. I appreciated his respect for my drive. I appreciated his willingness to help even with a son of his own. We were never intimate but deeper than that…true friends.
I wanted to make my father proud that I carried his name (even though he’s always stated that he is).
He wanted to make his entire family proud by making it out of the small town that seemed to have trapped them.

He was the first in his family to do a lot of things.

On one side, he was trying to end things with a female that was trying everything in her to hold onto the man that she had fallen for but whose heart still belonged to another.

On the other, was a female that was giving a chance back to a man that had begged and pleaded for a 2nd chance and was trying to prove himself through accomplishments.

In between came the reality of using one’s love as a substitution of another.

The last things that I heard was in this order:
1. The one he had always loved was giving him that second chance.
2. The new one that loved him was with child.
3. He was convicted for homicide and feticide.

It’s not for me to have any judgment on the entire thing. I didn’t go to the court procedures. I don’t think he wanted to be remembered that way.  People make their own choices in life. I wish he had talked with me before he acted. What I do know is that most people still have a cabinet of privacy in their head no matter how much of friends you two are.

I still remember that guy that was so kind to me. I think the human in me related to his vulnerability but my heart has so much sadness of his decisions.

There is an EXTREME thin line between love and hate. Some others that new him said they would have never thought of him in that way. I feel there’s no limit to anyone when the line is crossed. Hate can be composed of everything from self-preservation to resentment…all the things that carry no compassion.
I believe love is natural between all of us while hate is a choice. Since I’m human, I’ll admit that I don’t hate anyone but, there are a few that I added weave, makeup, and even fake boobs to my love for them. I have love for just the fact they’re human but the rest of them is so phony, they get the artificial crap. It’s paper plates all day because they broke my china set love.

I later fell for a man that wished he could reset his life in order to love me back. I think this memory helped me understand that I needed to step away.

I knew I had to keep certain things in order to find who I was looking for. Life taught me that he may not have known to do the same. While I thought I’d meet him someday, he said, ‘I never thought I’d meet someone like you.’ He had given up hope so, he didn’t prepare...

So people have asked what keeps me going toward my dreams?
I’ve seen what happens when you lose hope.

Love those dear to you (and not so dear). Love is everything.


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