I Am Happiest When…

I was watching a show on The Independent Film Channel called Does Your Soul Have A Cold?

*check below for synopsis

A lady was introduce getting up in the morning. She said, “I am my happiest when I sleep. I don’t have to think. I don’t hate myself. I don’t have to think about killing myself.”

I can relate…

Under my “About” tab at the top of this page, it says insomniac somewhere in the mix. Since late January, I’ve been getting sleep during part of the night time. This is a miracle for me.

Jen Fong Photography

I have maybe two friends that have witnessed my insomnia. There are times that I’m so scared I’m going to run someone off the road or pass out while walking in the gas station. People have thought I was acting rude because I’d be within 2 feet and not notice them. There are times when my vision is extremely blurry. I even had the “wise” ones say, “just go to sleep.” How do I turn my brain off?

I get migraines often. I’m a teeth grinder. There are alot of them. Years after I was first told I was doing it, I started waking with migraines. I found out that I do it mostly at night–when I sleep. My jaws hurt.

Everybody has problems. Insomniacs wish to sleep.

My brain reminds me of every fear of my reality the moment the reality rooster cocka-doodles.

*Plus I still see the headlights at my window from that past heartbreaker that thought any of the 24 hrs (especially between 1am-6am) was the time to pull up, enter the house,  take the 5 steps down the hall, bust in the master bedroom, turn on the bathroom light and, force breath mints down a sleeping woman’s throat.

So I’m a sensitive sleeper.

There are reasons that a physically abused kid may always look at your hand suspiciously when you try to high-five.


2006 | Director: Mike Mills | TVMA
Directed by acclaimed independent filmmaker Mike Mills (“Thumbsucker”), “Does Your Soul Have a Cold?” looks at the impact of exporting American definitions of depression and the use of antidepressants to the ancient culture of Japan over the past several years.
In 1999, American pharmaceutical companies, seeking to expand their markets, helped to create a huge ad campaign to educate Japanese about mild depression. The campaign centered on the slogan “Does Your Soul Have a Cold?” Since then, Japanese awareness of depression has rapidly increased along with rising sales of antidepressants.
“Does Your Soul Have a Cold?” is an intimate and compassionate journey into the lives of five depressed Japanese individuals who decide to take antidepressants. Their personal histories are examined, together with their hopes and fears, ultimately offering an intriguing perspective on the broad socio-cultural issues that are only now being uncovered in Japan.

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